The last day, last minute, last breath

Well, as it happens my friend passed away. Lung cancer is that way. Whether you are lucky and extend your life a little more than most cancer patients, the final is set in stone. In his last months, doctors mentioned that some of their patients -a very small group- had been under some experimental drugs for years but also said that very few people interacted positively to these chemicals. Whether they were telling him the truth or not, his extended survival lasted almost 10 month. Perhaps, a little more than average.

His wife, close circle of friends and myself, made sure he enjoyed as much as possible each minute left. But one must argue if this is entirely possible having a knife hanging over one's head. In one of my last trips to visit him he asked me specially if I could recommend some online hardcore material for he was having trouble having erections. It was funny he joked about captain stabbin (I have seen that site a few times) but the three of us went online and quickly found a couple of sites that were promising to their taste. I admit I was a bit uncomfortable but I could also see the big picture and felt more sympathetic and compassionate than anything else. In the end, they decided for a lesbian site named 'pink is beautiful' -an all erotic lesbian videos site- and i went downstairs to relax and watch TV. I am not sure why, but the whole thing made me a bit depressed... Next morning we ran some errands, including a visit to the immigration building and that afternoon I left Boston.

This was the last time I saw him alive. A few weeks later his wife notified me about his final moments and I took one more plane to spend time with him, saying goodbye. F you will be sorely missed!! Thank you for making me laugh so much while we were together. Wherever you are don't worry about your daughter. Vero will take good care of her.

All is ready all is done

Have you ever considered what would you do is you were told you only had another 30 days to live? This happened to a friend of mine last week who was just informed he had an advanced lung cancer. As if it had been me the one diagnosed with the disease I went into a tailspin of thoughts trying to imagine how would it feel dying, how should I use the time left and more importantly, how should I satisfy my all desires before time was over. Needless to say, only after a few moments my heart knocked on the door of my conciousness to remind me that the only real thing I will be leaving behind -to my great dismay- would be love in all its forms.

I am visiting with my dear buddy next week and will have an opportunity to check what goes on in his mind and how is he taking it. We will be playing basas (I always win), watch some movies and for sure read some online stories, from one of his favorite sites. I will also be spending time with him covering all the necessary material for his next citizenship examination, coming in 2 weeks. And yes, there will be the starbucks caramel lattes and the Dominos super cheeze he likes so much...

When I think on him I sometimes cry. My excercise was just a mimic of what he is really living minute by minute. Mine was just an unintended exploration of ones darker side, but helpful nonetheless. It helped me understand what he is going through. As well as his inner circle. In all actuality, what this exercise really did was to make me conscious that there are things that I will never be able to understand...

On my next post, after I come back from Boston, I will publish more thoughts and some pictures of us together.